On The Campaign Trail

Vote with a bullet. Elect a sniper. Knock out the candidates that don’t impress. If there are casualties of war just consider them a meat byproduct of the democratic process. no one really cared much for the ballot box anymore — it was the bullet box that was the real decider. Politicians who could run the gaunlet and outlast the supply of ammunition that their Objecter was armed with and they could take office. Well, unless the other candidate survived, then it was down to a six shooter and some Russian Roulette inbetween shots of Tequila.

The fact that Turner had somehow managed to make it through three elections meant that people respected him. He had managed to survive a gut shot last time that troubled him through his whole last term. Man like that who could tough out the pain and still do his job was much better than the effete arseholes who had held power in the soft years. The State could set it’s own tests and The South tended to run a little on the wild side with their challenges, Texas more than most. There weren’t any calves turning to jelly, or big bellies bouncing through the woods when someone got released into the Political Campaign Trail. If you were out of shape you were going to end up dead.

It was true that the number of survivalists and ex-military who made it into power was on the incline, but it made for less bombastic speeches, and more people who were willing to get on with the business demanded of them. The old bipartisan divide had been done away with — it was a singular functional body that was charged with carrying out duties that were voted on by the populace six months before the Campaign Trail — that was the candidates knew the skills that they had to hone before they were even able to enter the competition.

The term limit had been removed because the life expectancy of politicians had dropped quite drastically. The pay structure had changed as well — the money went to their families after they had served their four years. All the things they needed while they were employed were provided within reason, but they were budgeted.

‘President Turner, how do you feel, you are now through your fourth campaign trail. Your closest opponent, Senator Gelly is going to be your VP. Results are coming in from across the US with great men having made it through the trials. Are you looking forward to doing the job again?’

‘I sure am, Bob. I think this might be my last run though. I took a nasty shot through my kneecap.’

‘Is it going to interfere with you doing the job?’

‘Oh, surely not. Don’t forget, my good friend Ebeneezer Straight served as an exemplar after being left paraplegic by that bullet that severed his spinal cord. Can you name a more ethical President? I think not.’

‘No, you’re right, President Turner. How do you answer those who say this whole system built on violence excludes so many people?’

‘It’s very democratic — anyone can enter if they get themselves up to the point where they might survive. If they can’t survive this, why would we want them to lead us anywhere?’

‘Quite right.’

‘I know you had to win a boxing match to get this gig, right, Bob?’

‘I surely did. Thank you, Mr. President. This is Bob Signull, reporting for BNN at The Campaign Trail. Back to Stuart in the studio.’

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